How dare you?
by nathy.faithy
Summary: In which Hairyson, Hairy for close friends, or rather Crane's hair has an absurd amount of opinions regarding his Master's choices, such as cutting him off and taking f-o-r-e-v-e-r in telling their pixie queen he is completely and irrevocably in love with her. Being hair is not an easy business, especially if said hair lives on Ichabod's Crane head.


_I hope this is what you had in mind when you said, "You NEED to write a fic about Crane's hair", Sing ;)_

 _Thank you so much youwerenevermine for proofreading this fic! ❣❣_

* * *

 _It was a typical morning, or so I thought it was._

 _See, I was quite used to the new routine, and may I add, thanks to the new hair products our delectable pixie partner gifted us with; me, the most important part of my master's head, was not only perfect, I was also shiny, luxuriant and wavy. Just like our dear Miss Mills loved it, yes I had noticed how she looked at my waves, I can assure you, my dear reader, that lovely, golden-brown skin goddess has wanted to play with my loose locks more than one time._

 _But that was months ago. Since my idiotic owner decided to leave, I have been enduring what it seems like eons of split ends given the fact that my Master cannot shop for hair supplies as well as our pixie pocket Venus queen can, and that is saying something ladies and gentlemen, if I had any say on it, we would have marched back to Sleepy Hollow long ago._

 _Master Crane thought he could fool_ Hairyson _here, but I knew it all along, he was completely and irrevocably in love with our Lieutenant and not that, that red-headed witch he promised his life to, quite frankly._

Farewell, _ex Mrs. Crane,_ _hope to never see you again. I wish I could wave, I would have done a spectacular show of goodbyes to "Miss I love the Horseman more than I've ever loved you"... I shrug just thinking about her kisses, so, so tasteless._

 _Anyway, let's get back to our story, shall we? It was a lovely morning, the sun was shining over my locks, the wind caressed me gently and we were walking in the streets of Paris when suddenly we came to a stop._

 _Captain! Where are we? I don't think we should be here._

 _God's wounds, it's a barber shop, that's it my friends, I am to be extinguished. Oh, my, my, where is Miss Mills when I most need her? She surely would convince this turncoat to change his mind. And what would General Washington think of such a mockery of me?_

"Good morning, sir." _How dare he? This is not even close to a good morning, oh Captain, dear Captain. You have just entered a chamber of doom._

 _"I was wondering if you could, perhaps give me a more modern cut." What does he mean with a more modern cut? What kind of cut are we talking about here Master Crane? Are you cutting off the donuts? It would do some good for your blood pressure, I grant you. Or maybe it's a cut like you did with Miss Abigail?_

 _Oh for God's sake, are you really doing it?_

You are _cutting me? ME?!_

 _It has been more than 250 years, mate. I withstood the barely washed, mud look for 250 years, it wasn't one, it wasn't two, but two hundred and fifty years and in the meanwhile, they were inventing lavender shampoos and conditioner! To think that after all this (and let me add the last couple months of your absolute incompetence in buying a similar product as good as the ones our dearest brownish-golden fairy used to gift us, you are going to end me?_

 _Is it guilt? I sure hope it is! If you cannot stay with her you deprive yourself of anything connected to our Abigail. Well, it serves you well, after all,how could you, with your eidetic memory, act like such a fool)?_

 _I would have yelled if I could, but I couldn't. I'm just Hairy here, about to be chopped off. It's a blasphemy, a complete disregarding of our profound partnership, but why am I surprised? You've disrespected your bound with Abbie as well. Oh, if I could weep, I surely would, all over your ineptitude in admitting your feelings for our Lieutenant, I could be enjoying her small and gentle fingers caressing my locks and combing over so calmly after a long day of hunting and not this…_

 _These masculine hands washing me, surprisingly softly. Oh, and look at that, you ape, he knows what a good hair product is, oh shame on you Master Crane, shame on you. I could be mistaken and maybe, I said maybe, this man knows what he is doing with his instruments. Doesn't mean I trust him with it, it just means that I am entitled to accept a little change._

 _I must have looked, well, potentially ridiculous by now, considering all I saw was loose hairs falling on the floor, and he dares sound pleased, I was dreading the moment the hairdresser finished drying and styling me,_ "All ready, sir."

 _I opened my eyes, well technically I didn't, but you get the point, don't ya? And you know I was surprised, a good kind of surprised, and who knew maybe this time and with this style our adventures would be even more glamorous._

 _Though, between you and me monster goo is so underrated._

 _We left and I again wondered the proposed of a new me, I mean a new haircut. I hope he didn't think he could use me to attract anyone but our doe-eyed, golden-brown Disney princess because I would oppose very much, I would make myself ugly every day, he could count on that!_

 _Oh, what is that I spy? A plane ticket? At last, you came to your senses, Master!_

 _One day, and almost eight hours I've been repeating to myself, for over a billion times, "clearly Master, you're absolutely bonkers ". We are in imprisonment, our cellmate is the weirdest man I've ever had the displeasure to meet, and hello I have been underground for a couple of centuries and let me tell you it wasn't exactly free of crazy fellows._

 _He had called her and gosh did our darling pixie sound pissed. But now that she is here sitting across us all I can think about is "why?"._

 _You see that? Do you see that Ichabod Bennet Crane?! Our beloved has changed her locks as well. I shall forever miss the way her hair fell in cascades around her neck, or how they captured our attention._

 _She laughed._

 _Oh, my mad as a hatter Master, you tried to convince me I looked amazing, but now, look at our fairy queen, our dearest Abbie is puzzled and if I were to be completely honest, I don't like this change either, it's your fault she changed, aren't you going so say anything? Will you not compliment her on her new look, with her exposed neck and all the ways you could kiss her right now for being such a vision?_

"Lieutenant, thank you for coming." _What else was she supposed to do? Let us rot here? Are you sure you know our Lieutenant well enough?_

"Damn, Crane what the hell happened?" _Excellent question, Abbie my dear, excellent. Do tell her, you doofus!_

 _So many words, for the God of all hair products, just shut up already. I wish I could pout, at least she would know I am displeased with your attitude. I'm doomed, now she'll never wish to pet me._

"Agent?" _He called and to my entire delight Abbie's fingers graced me and suddenly everything was right in the world._

 _I just hoped, this time, he would stop wasting our time and tell our pixie how very much in love he is. Otherwise, my existence will be doomed forever._

 _After sweat, blood, tears and many, many sleepless nights after Miss Mills disappearance and an almost death experience (again) we found her, our treasure was back home, and her voice brought my Master back to me._

 _I was relieved to see that many months apart (at least for our darling fairy) hadn't driven her close to insanity because Mr. Crane was very close to it, so many pictures of our Grace all around their house._

 _How much more can you take, oh, master of mine?_

"Please don't move, I'll be right back." _She was bleeding and Crane, this smitten master of mine was about to lose his mind over a tiny cut._

 _Succulent family? SUCCULENT FAMILY, ICHABOD CRANE! Why did you not kiss her? Why not? This is like watching a show with terrible writers, you do something right now. March to her room or make her some tea, wake her if you must but do not go another day without tasting her sinful, gorgeous, red-rose lips._

"Lieutenant, are you perhaps already asleep? _" Asked my Master knocking on her door ever so softly._

"Come in, Crane. I'm trying to, but it's weird, after all that time in the catacombs, I should feel exhausted, but I'm afraid to close my eyes." _Poor darling Abbie, she must feel so lonely and scared, what are you waiting for to go there, hug her with all your might and caress those beautiful curls of hers?_

"So am I." _Finally. Now do me a favor and confess to her already? YOU ARE KILLING ME, MATE. KILLING ME SOFTLY..._

"Afraid to close your eyes?" _She asked him, a bit confused, resting her weight on her elbow. So stunning, please sir, say something._

 _He walked closer, sitting in at the end of her bed. Oh, it was like watching a soap opera, was the goody about to kiss the love of his life?_

"I'm afraid that if I do, you'll be gone again and I won't survive that, Abigail. I have been a fool for so long. I was scared to tell you the depths of my affections, because, honestly, what do I have to give you besides myself?" _The cat was out of the bag ladies and gentlemen! I'm proud of you sir, very proud! He had his hand resting over her ankle, his eyes cast down, all he could hear was an intake of breath from our Lieutenant._

 _"What makes you think I need anything more?" Did I hear that correctly? Our pixie queen loved us as much as we did her?_

"Ichabod, come here," _Abbie said raising her hand as an invitation and petting the empty space on her side,_ "Lay with me."

"Are you sure?" _I couldn't believe in how insecure he sounded for a moment? Did he really miss the loving way she looked at us?_

 _Abbie nodded, my Master lied down at her side and she cuddled in his chest almost immediately, sighing contently, one of his hands resting in her hair while the other rested on her hips._ "It took you long enough," _she whispered, her eyes closed._

"In case I wasn't clear enough, I love you, Abbie, with everything I am and everything I will be." _He kissed the top of her hair and brought her closer to his embrace. Abbie lifted her face and smiled at him, her feelings bare in her eyes for him to see, in the next moment she was pecking his lips and answering his unspoken question,_ "As I love you."


End file.
